Chad Jones, a life-size dummy
LAST SATURDAY afternoon, skiers and riders at Big Sky Resort watched as a nun riding on the back of a bright pink pig on skis went soaring over a ski jump and through the air to a stupendous crash landing. It was Pork Chops and Prayers, the winner of Big Sky Resort’s 7th annual Dummy Jump. A dummy built by Big Sky’s lift maintenance crew, it was joined by 24 other themed dummies that launched off of a jump on the Ambush Headwall to the cheers of hundreds.
Dummy Jump is always highly anticipated, but I could tell this year was going to be big. Leading up to the event, women had been coming up to Chad for weeks. His face was featured on the posters advertising the Dummy Jump, and many had been posted inside Big Sky bathroom stalls. "Hey, creep!" they would say. "You watched me pee this morning!"
At Whiskey Jack's a waitress approached him. "Excuse me," she said, "but are you the guy on the Dummy Jump posters? I recognize you from the bathroom!"
The publicity was working, and with Chad getting "fame-ish" as Big Sky Resort's resident dummy, buzz was building about the lineup of true dummies that would go hurtling over a huge ski jump that weekend. From silly to raunchy, no matter how creatively built, each would meet its demise via crash landing.
When the big day finally arrived, the dummies looked great. There was the elaborate Griz Grinder, a giant bloody stuffed bear being put through a huge meat grinder, and the simple Sputnik, a large TV satellite that team Mad Wolf had dug up from who-knows-where and attached to skis. Ralph, a dummy contribution from Big Sky's Rental Shop, rallied for launching even after a rough night at Whiskey Jack's the previous night: his doubled-over dummy body held its head in a toilet bowl.
By 3pm, the beverages were flowing and dummies were flying. The crowd was cheering louder with each launch, and Pork Chops and Prayers stole the show when it practically cleared the landing zone. But with so many great entries, who would be the favorite dummy?
When all the dummies has flown, our wild and crazy MC Brandon Bang called for one last launch: "Hey, let's get a REAL dummy down this thing," he called over the mic. "Chad? Chad Jones? The Dummy Jump's true poster boy - you may remember him from the women's bathroom stalls!"
The loudest and most high-pitched cheers of the afternoon erupted as Chad waved from his post on the Ambush headwall. The ladies of Big Sky had chosen their favorite dummy.
Dummy Jump results:
Best Real Life Dummy: Chad Jones
Top 5 overall:
Pork Chops and Prayers by Big Sky Lift Maintenance
Skid, a motorcycle-riding skeleton by team Choppers
Ray Allen, a 3-point shooting basketball player by team Celtics
Sweet Thing, a springy, undulating skier by team True Men
Slick Willy’s Flyin’ Banana, a man riding a giant piece of fruit, by team Fish
Biggest Head-Turner: Sponge Barb Square Boobs, Sponge Bob’s ex, by team Hindenburg Ground Crew
Best Crash: Hoosiers are Corn Stars, a man being attacked by an animal, by team Hoosiers are Corn Stars
Most Graceful: Cheezy McFly, a giant cheese head by team Packer Nation
Best Premature Explosion: Party Foul (What Do pirates Drink), a giant 6-pack of PBR, by team Guest Services
Most Photogenic/True to Life: The Yellow Skier, a classic big sky ski dummy by team Crystal Images
Best Double Team: Follow the leader, a ski instructor and student by team Snowsports School
Best Hair: The Mullet Family, four mullet-haired dummies by team Sales and Marketing
Best Innuendo: Red Rocket Red Rocket, a giant red rocket by team Boscha
Pork chops and Prayers, this year's overall dummy Jump Winner; The Dummy Parade; The Grizzly Meat Grinder; Ralph, the rental shop's entry